Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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