i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize