why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
