Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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