so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
