Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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