you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
