You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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