sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
