literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
