Jerry, you need to find god
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
