Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize