Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
