Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
