Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We named our party play list daddy issues
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
