ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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