i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
