What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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