you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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