none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
