OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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