dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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