You can't special order awesome
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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