After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
