How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
