Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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