is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
