hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
