It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
