that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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