thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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