Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
