"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just high enough for therapy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
