my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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