Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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