I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
His nipple licking is glorious
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