i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
