More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
