It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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