her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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