I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Floor bacon is actually really good
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
