hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
