i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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