I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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