My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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