Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
