how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think a kid would responsible me up
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I currently don't understand fingers.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
