So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
