Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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