Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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