You can't special order awesome
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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