My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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