I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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