talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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