In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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