So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
