Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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