I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
