You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
