Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
