Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im just a social blackout drinker.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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