Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You're like the curious george of whores
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
