My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
